"Gotcha!" Part One

Pride goes before destruction,
And a haughty spirit before stumbling.
Prov. 16:18



…God is opposed to the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.
James 4:6

There are times in life when my Heavenly Father’s “Gotcha!” game has left me with nothing more than a wry smile and an admission of guilt. The “Gotcha!” game is simply one of His practical jokes, a heavenly mathematical formula: My own exponential stinking pride, multiplied by some stupid act, resulting in this product: “Gotcha!”

I am reminded of an incident years ago, when SteveO was 5 (he’s 15 now). We were exploring our piece of heaven on earth, Pop and G’ma’s farm in the heart of what is called the Wiregrass region of Alabama. As the dirt trail broke out of the hardwoods, we scanned the huge river bottom pasture for wildlife.

“Dad! Look at the size of that rat!” Stephen squealed.

“Son, that’s no rat, that is the famous possum on a half shell, that Sherman tank of all varmints, the lowly armadillo,” was the reply.

The lowly armadillo indeed. One of the most destructive varmints in the animal kingdom. Can dig holes to China. Most of them are seen after they have assumed room temperature, claws pointing straight up to heaven on the side of some country road. My dad tells of seeing one that someone had placed a Bud Lite long neck between the front claws of that expired nasty varmint….our sense of humor down here…help us Lord…

This time, we had us a live one!…That disgusting creature, who leaves one scratching his head as to the purpose of his creation, was slowly waddling away from us, totally unaware of our presence.

“Hey Stephen, watch this!” ( This by the way, is a variation of one of the old jokes of the Deep South: “What are the famous last words of a redneck?—“Hey y’all...watch this!”)

I took out after that pitiful creature at full speed, with the boldness of Daniel Boone himself, to show Stephen how quickly this varmint from hell could move when the urge hit.

“Noooo, Daddy, noooo!"

I had been warned. As the distance reduced to nothing, Mr. Armadillo’s shock (remember he was facing away from me) caused a reaction that only a Warner Brothers cartoon could have produced. That ugly varmint shot straight up, did a 180 in mid air, and latched those incredibly strong claws on my belt…and my crotch.

“Nooo, Daddy, noooo!” came the mantra again. Must have been a reaction from the scream emanating from his soprano singing Dad as I slapped that hissing demon from Coffee County into Pike County.

“Gotcha!” laughed my Heavenly Father…”Big man of the woods, huh? Trying to scare my little pal, are you? Told you not to make one of these little ones stumble..Now you know why I created this beautiful creature, you and your stinking pride. Take that!” He roared with laughter. And later, so did I.

Tune in next time as I jump forward 10 years and God’s little pal Stephen teaches me another lesson…an episode I call “Beachgate”.

Mark the Mad Hatter
Prov. 17:22