Storms of Life

When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Thy consolations delight my soul. Psalms 94:18

Between the intermittent wipers on my windshield, the gray clouds layered on top of one another in long rows that reminded me of an Alabama plowed field anticipating Spring planting. It was the morning after a devastating F2 tornado that barreled through a busy intersection a few miles from my home, leaving its destructive path on the Montgomery landscape and a jagged rip in our emotions.

The pitiless sky, angry still, was almost taunting, reminding me of yesterday's events. Miraculously, no one was killed as a result of the tornado, in fact, over 30 children and adults walked away unscathed from a flattened skating rink/day care. This picture shows an aerial view of the skating rink; the top left corner was the space where the children were housed in the day care. As you can see, it is the only part of the building left standing.

It is a strange thing, the gentle forces of nature that drew me close to my Creator on the deer stand had turned ugly and mean; the mangled steel and splintered wood left me cold. I have to confess, after viewing the destruction, my first thoughts were, "Why God? Why do things like this happen? Why is my home spared, and these folks in the apartment complex are soaking in the rain?" I was even more sobered when the same system screamed up the east coast and took some souls from their North Carolina home. I was left with a feeling of insignificance and helplessness; I honestly don't understand these things at times.

I wonder sometimes, is God dis- appointed in my doubts, in my questions? Psalm 94 tells me that He "knows the thoughts of man, that they are a mere breath" (v.11). His omnipotent nature leads me to trust that He does not turn away when we waver, in fact, the Bible is full of great men of faith who struggled mightily with doubts and uncertainties. His lovingkindness for them, and now directed our way, remains constant.

Phillip Yancey's book, Reaching for an Invisible God, has given me a great deal of comfort in dealing with the questions of life. I highly recommend it to those who are given to a skeptical nature like mine. Here are some of his words that have stuck with me:

Things happen, some of them good, some of them bad, many of them beyond our control. In all these things, I have felt the reliable constant of a God willing to work with me and through me to produce something good. Faith, in such a process will, I’m convinced, always be rewarded, even though the "Why?" questions go unanswered.

Divine providence is a mystery that only God understands...no time-bound human, living on a rebellious planet, blind to the realities of the unseen world, has the ability to comprehend such answers.

In my case, doubt has prompted me to question many things that need questioning and also to investigate alternatives to faith, none of which measure up. I am a Christian today due to my doubts.

Over time, I have grown more comfortable with mystery rather than certainty. Faith means striking out, with no clear end in sight and perhaps even no clear view of the next step. It means following, trusting, holding out a hand to an invisible Guide.

Finally, Yancey quotes Flannery O’Conner who simply says, "When we get our spiritual house in order, we’ll be dead."

After reading these quotes, I go back to my feelings of insig- nificance, but with an assurance that God is in control, for He tells me:

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. (Is. 55:8)

As I close, I can say with all honesty that there will always be "Why?" questions, my weak human nature cries out for answers at times. Yet as C.S. Lewis declared, "The Christian has a great advantage over other men, not by being less fallen than they, not less doomed to live in a fallen world, but by knowing that he is a fallen man in a fallen world."

"That recognition," Yancey says, "forms my starting point in undertaking a journey to know God."

Mark

Prov. 17:22

(This may not be a "merry heart" entry, but it has been what I have been meditating on...therefore, I write. Maybe next time I will ramble about the time I got covered up with chiggers as a result of my 12 year old rebellion. I itch just thinking about it! Pass the calamine lotion, please!)