A Rabbi's Take on Forgiveness

Do not say, "I'll do to him as he has done to me; I'll pay that man back for what he did."
Proverbs 24:29

That dang cell phone. It was Veteran’s Day and I was doing what I wanted to do, painting the foul poles at the baseball field at Stephen’s school. I wanted to make sure that Blue (nickname for umpire) could make the right call this spring. If he misses the call now, we will all holler our favorite umpire insult line, “You’re missing a good game out there, Blue!”

It was Stephen.
“Dad, Mom wants to know if you are going to be home in time to take her to the Shakespeare thing tonight.”
I had forgotten…my mind was on nothing more than painting the foul poles. Men have a way of doing this. If my mind is cluttered, stressed, etc, I can simply go do some kind of project and think about nothing else but the project.
“Yea, tell her I will be home in time….”

“The Shakespeare thing” was not a play, but a lecture by Rabbi Kushner, the man who wrote the bestseller, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People." As we were leaving, Stephen was laughing at me behind Mom's back, "Have a GREAAAT time, at the 'lecture', Dad!" Little did he realize I was looking forward to it.

Rabbi Harold Kushner impressed me immediately. At 73 years old, he spoke as a conversationalist. We Protestants are not used to this. We actually are used to something that should be considered rather strange. Protestant ministers go from normal conversation to air gulping, vein bulging, rooster strutting, bloviators in a nanosecond. I am not a big fan of it any longer. Our pastor speaks like a normal person, like the Rabbi. It is refreshing .

Rabbi Kushner's most passionate moment came when he told a story on forgiveness. He spoke of a woman who had a great chance to advance her studies, but would need a letter from her professor. The professor stated that he would write the letter for sexual favors. She refused, and instead of a letter of recommendation, he wrote a letter stating that she was unqualified for admission for this advanced degree.

Many years later, she told Rabbi Kushner, "I have hated this man for years for what he did to me and I cannot forgive him!" Rabbi Kushner stated quite plainly, "Do you think that this man really cares that you haven't forgiven him? After all of this time, he doesn't remember you and doesn't care; I can say this with all certainty because of the poor character he exhibited in your younger years. Furthermore, you have allowed something destructive and harmful to make abode in your mind and soul. It does not belong there and only you can clean house by granting forgiveness and moving on with your life."

In my years as a Christian, I have witnessed emotional displays at the alter, thinking this will deal with unforgiveness in one's life. Many times, I have seen others'---and my own---bitternesses simply spring back to life after the emotion wears off. Rabbi Kushner said that we hold on to things because of a sense of entitlement---this person hurt me and I am entitled to feel this way, doggone it!

I was immediately reminded of an incident years ago at work with a coworker, one that created very bad feelings, at least on my end. I actually daydreamed of taking this guy behind the building to the drainage ditch and squaring off. OK, so I have seen too many Lethal Weapon movies. Years later, he and I had lunch together with some other people. He acted like nothing ever happened, probably because in his mind, it hadn't. I was the fool who wasted my energy on all this poisonous pondering. After that day, this man and I had many more years of good fellowship until he retired.

Rabbi Kushner presented such a logical and conclusive argument for forgiveness. What I heard that night really spoke truth to me. Why would I want to keep something that makes me miserable in my home? What would be the purpose of keeping a rabid skunk for a pet? Sometimes unforgiveness is a simple decision. Get rid of it.


Hatter's Proverb:

The joy of getting older
is that you cannot
remember to hold grudges.

Mark
(Millie is finally rating a little
higher than a rabid skunk, so
I think we will keep her.)