Whammo!

Folly is joy to him who lacks sense, but a man of understanding walks straight. Prov 15:21













You know, when I come across family and friends who have read my blog, it seems like the attack of the killer armadillo always comes up as a favorite episode. So much for my spiritual insight. And being one who does not mind a little self-deprecating humor, I remember another incident down on the farm that knocked some sense out of me---and into me.

Our family farm is in a part of the state of Alabama known as the Wiregrass. It is called this because of a long, tough stalk-like grass that grows within the Southern Pine-Wiregrass Ecosystem of SE Alabama, SW Georgia, and north Florida. That is as technical as I will get. Let me say that the people of this region are quite unique and have a southern accent all their own. I can jump into it at anytime, actually that is about where my vernacular stays, and my Dad says that he could charge admission to all his relatives in Pittsburgh just to hear me talk. For instance, if you are from the Wiregrass, you would say, "I am from the War-grass."

The cattle in the "War-grass" seem to be as unique as the people. My Mom and Dad have a herd of Brangus beef cattle, a cross of a Brahman and an Angus. I remember one time a heifer (a girl cow to you city slickers), like the one in the picture, kicked me so hard on the inner thigh that I had an ugly purple bruise for a month (another close call-whew!). We had her in a head catcher giving her shots, and I walked behind her and WHAMMO! Of course, I got a lot of sympathy from the old man, "Boy!... Will you get out from behind that cow! You are stirring her up!" I got a little stirring myself, but this is not my story...

As I have mentioned, My Dad has an ability to attract rather interesting individuals. Recently, I was down at the farm and a couple of locals were buying a bull from my Dad. One feller begins to tell me just how ornery these ol’ Brangus can be.

"Me and the wife dang near give out a while back chasin’ one of them heifers around our place!" he said.

"Yeah? Tell me about it! I replied in my best War-grass.
My Dad knew what I was doing, the yarn was fixin' to be long and goofy.

"We couldn’t git that durn cow in the corral, so we figured we’d just chase her around with the 4-wheeler until she was tard. I tol' the wife to git on and brang the lasso. Well, we worked her all the way down to the river bottom and figured we had her cornered, so the wife, she gits off the 4-wheeler and starts swingin' the lasso, but you know wut happened!?’

"NO! Wut happened!?" I asked. ( My Dad is grinning, shaking his head.)

"That ol’ gal started pawing at the ground and snortin' and the next thing ya know, she’s fixin’ to act like we was in a bull fightin’ ring! I tol’ the wife to get the heck outta the way, I wuz gonna take care of some bidness. So the dang cow charges me and I fire up the 4-wheeler and head right fer her. She smashes her haid into the front gun rack the first time and the fender the second. That did it. After that, she wuz tuckered out and the wife threw a rope over her haid and we tied her to the 4 wheeler and took her on back."

"Man! I bet that 4 wheeler wuz messed UP!" My Dad must have been rolling his eyes by now.

"Naw, not too bad. The wife got a drill and we drilled some little holes in the plastic and got some war (wire) and stitched that fender back together. Looks good a new...."

Now that’s a wild heifer! What about the bulls? Actually, most of them have been pretty docile. We had one, I think it was Black Jack, who loved to have his head scratched. He would nod with approval anytime you put your hand between his eyes and scratched. He also loved it when you pushed on his head; he would push back with great power, and would always win, gently easing my hand and my body backward.

Sooo, I get the bright idea that I am going to put my head against his head, in one of those, "Hey y’all, watch this!" moves. Well, instead of the 'pushing game', old Black Jack decided that this was like a scratch and nodded with approval. WHAMMO! I might as well have run head long into an anvil. The nod resulted first in my teeth clacking together so hard I thought they were all broken. The next thing I felt was a major excruciation to my forehead and finally a visual of the Milky Way in broad daylight. I looked at my Dad, who was laughing, as far as I could tell, but the Big Dipper was in the way.

What an idiot. I tried my best "that didn’t hurt" routine, but the truth was, I needed some of that "war" to stitch my brain back together. Thank goodness this happened before SteveO was born, so he didn’t see it and I can attribute it to youthful indiscretion. Yeah, right. Early 30's?
*********************
As always, I will try to tie some spiritual lesson into my ramblings. This one is simple and to the point. There are two kinds of fools.

1. The "Hey y’all watch this!" kind of fool. This one ALWAYS gets an anvil to the head. Sadly, we have so much "watch this" stuff going on in American Christianity. There is a religious TV network that looks like the people and the sets are straight out of the movie "Cleopatra". When will we learn? The Bakkers, Swaggarts, etc got an anvil to the head, yet the trinket church chugs on! As I have stated many times before, Jesus said to not let the left hand know what the right was doing for a reason! Could it be so that God might be glorified?

2. The" fool for Christ’s sake" kind of fool. This is where I want to live. Someone so dependent on Him, and so independent of the world’s approval that I live in a place of love, laughter, and desperate need of a wise and loving God who covers a multitude personal tomfoolery.

I am sure I will continue my journey down the path of idiocy, but I have wisely figured one thing out. Jesus continues to walk beside me on that path, on that Emmaus Road, and for that I am grateful, knowing the lessons I have learned from my own mistakes will only help reduce future encounters with anvils! It might even help me throw a word of wisdom to a certain 15 year old. Like the Proverb above, here’s praying that we all walk straight!

Mark
Prov 17:22 (for sure!)